PT Obsessed.

My current obsession. Pregnancy Tests. My son is 17 months old and my husband and I decided to start trying again...hoping for a girl. Well we've been trying for three months now and every month its the same thing. Pregnancy test after pregnancy test. I start them 5 days early and cant stop. I just keep hoping and praying that we're pregnant. And I just keep getting disappointed. Its not that its been sooo long its that we only have a certain amount of time and then we stop trying. Which this was our last month. My husband being in the military we don't want to have me giving birth while he's deployed again. We want to save that special time for when he can be there. But we're about 10 or 11 months from that point so now we must quit trying. The next time we can start is R&R in over a year :( Its not all bad that we have to wait. I just get this feeling that its not going to happen again. That was my 'keep me awake' worry last night (I have a different one every night). So sad to admit we have to stop now. I'm still a week away from testing time but my body seems to be getting my hopes up, nausea at times, headaches, tiredness, constant eating. No sore breasts though which is my main indicator that I just keep waiting for. Every month its the same. I just wanted Landon to have a baby brother or sister (preferably the latter) to grow up with and play with. Ah oh well I guess, at least we're smart about it and I'm not going to try to do it alone again. He missed so much the first time, gone for 10 months of Landon's first year. So needless to say we're not doing that again. My gripe for the day.